New Year's Perspective
I have been frustrated about feeling tired ALL THE TIME. Sometimes, though, when you can't change how things are you can still change your perspective on how things are.

So I decided that instead of thinking, "What is wrong with me, why oh why am I always so silly TIRED?!?", instead I will simply reset my brain and interpret my weary mom-brain as evidence that I am, at this moment in life, without a doubt, truly living life to the fullest, cramming every tiny moment with SO MUCH FUN how can I help but feel weary in body but joyful in spirit?

See? IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD!!!

Dancing Queen
Friday morning my friend V called me and said, "Hey, you wanna go dancing tonight?"

And, sadly, I did not jump up and down and scream yes because I am a BORING GROWN UP who 1) had to reset her brain from Friday Night In to Friday Night OUT (no small feat) and 2) was concerned that a night of festivity and indulgence leads only to a day of exhaustivity and sore-gence.

BUT WHAT AM I THINKING!?! A GIRL FRIEND ASKED ME TO GO DANCING.

Stupid Eva. There is only one answer to this question. SAY YES.

I did say yes.

I ended up wearing my mom shoes instead of my killer high heeled boots (because I wanted to be able to walk the next day), but to compensate I squeezed myself into a pair of stretchy jeans from BC (Before Children) and - wonder of wonder! - they fit! That made the whole night worth it before it even started!

Now, where are four gussied up old married ladies with eight children between them to go to get their groove on?

Hmmm... Well, a female person here in Tulsa with no interest in fending off over-eager heterosexual ass-grabbers all night has no choice but to join in the gay-iety at Club Majestic.

And, gentle readers, I say to you, we got that party started RIGHT!  V L C & me, we are dancing MAGIC! We danced the entire night and closed that club DOWN.

As a fairly sheltered individual who hasn't ever actually been to a gay bar before, I got to see some very interesting sights:

1. A mostly naked man who started out shirtless in jeans and ended up in his tighty blackies, pulling them down to reveal his highly sculpted (but far too really there in front of me) butt and maybe his package, but I nervously looked away pretty much the entire time he was up on the little stage because I JUST DON'T WANT TO SEE THAT. Naked men make me nervous. Naked women? Fine. Men? No. Double standard? Maybe. Weird? Definitely. Legal? I DON'T KNOW. But the establishment let him do it and various individuals of both genders stuck money in his pants and underwear with hands and mouths and, well, probably just hands and mouths. I wanted to stick a card with the name and number of a good therapist in his... HAND because all I could think is that he must have some issues he could stand to work out if he spends his night pretending to be a stripper for free.
   
   
2. A real live hooker! Or at least I assume a stacked beautiful black girl would not hang out tiredly rubbing her rear against a nerdy little white man and looking that bored with the process if she wasn't there for the money.  I mentioned (screamed in her ear over the thump thump thump of the music) this to V and was further delighted to find out the nerdy little white guy smiling nervously was A BOSS AT L'S WORK!!! Ha ha ha ha ha!  BLACK! MAIL! people! FOREVER!!!! I love life's little twists, don't you? They make fiction so much more believable.
   
   
3. A drag queen with the most amazing ass I think I have ever seen. I didn't actually see it in the flesh (which, as previously mentioned, is FINE BY ME), but I did see it in all its sequined red hooded leotard covered wonder, which was EVEN BETTER!  She also had amazing sparkly lips and the requisite feisty drag queen attitude.

I also got to dance with an adorable kid (it was 18-and-over night) who totally got my groove and who didn't even try to grab my ass and totally made out with another boy at the end of the night.  I thought it was sweet (romance!) but I wanted to warn him (since we were Dancing Buddies and that goes deeper than words) that an older man was probably going to break his fresh young heart, but I didn't see him and advice like that never really means anything until after your heart is broken anyway.

I got home at 2 AM (that's in the morning, by the way), which is awesomely late. Of course, Hazel, who normally sleeps from 8 to 8, picked that particular night to wake up at 5 am and not really be in the mood for sleep, but WE MUST PAY FOR OUR PLEASURES PEOPLE, because otherwise we really wouldn't appreciate them.

I feel a little like a fairy tale princess on Christmas + Valentines Day + St. Patrick's Day + her Sixteenth Birthday because I got the best present ever:

Friends to go dancing with.

I have wanted this for years. YEARS and years. And YEARS.

And now we are four.

V L C & ME.

I you. SO MUCH.

Abrupt Change Of Gears
Today during church I was thinking about people talking about being tired of their church for various reasons: the sermons weren't speaking to them anymore, or the minister wasn't inspiring them or challenging them, etc.

These kind of statements automatically annoy me and I was trying to figure out why.

I came up with two reasons.

1. I feel it is very self-centered to sit in a room full of people and be personally aggrieved that the preacher hasn't specifically dialed in to your heart. Maybe God has something specific to say to the person three seats over and today it simply isn't about you. And maybe it won't specifically be about you for a month. Or a year. And maybe it won't be about you until you stop measuring everything by the yardstick of What-Do-I-Get-Out-Of-It. 
   
   I feel like my faith community is a family and I am there for the long term.  If one aspect of that faith community isn't really speaking to me (say the preaching or the music or a Sunday School class or whatever) then it is my job to proactively find a place in that community where I stand in the way of blessing and spiritual growth.  And usually the best place for that is in service.  Not sitting-in-the-pew-on-Sunday-morning service, but rolling up your sleeves and teaching or cleaning or driving or visiting or cooking or some other act of service.  Just sitting there and spiritually starving is your own fault for not reaching out for the bounty that is there but just takes a little effort to find. You can leave to another community of faith, but when you get there, you and your own issues will greet you at the door and after a while the exact same thing will happen because the problem was inside you, not the walls of your old church.  So unless something very specific and hurtful or hateful has happened to drive you away, I think you should stay with your church and Find A Way.
   
   Of course, I admit, I personally value loyalty perhaps even over good sense and I acknowledge my bias.
   
   
2. I think if your "needs aren't being met" then you need to work a little harder. Nothing worth doing is easy, including spiritual growth. So you need to dig deeper, truly contemplate the scriptures and ideas shared on Sunday morning or Wednesday evening or Friday night or Saturday afternoon.  Open up your heart and your mind.  Perhaps then you will be convicted, perhaps you will be encouraged, perhaps with a willing heart and a fierce focus you will be inspired.  God's word does not return void.  I believe God has the power to use ANYTHING for good - bad preaching, terrible music, bumbling study leaders, crying babies - to me, this is one of God's most miraculous ability.

I need to go to bed
I think that is quite enough manic fun and deep thinking for one weekend. I've used up all my profundity for now and neuro awaits me with piles and piles of work to do tomorrow as I live my life to fully of fullests, so I bid you adieu.