Medical Art

We went to the doctor's office today because I have a bladder infection (one of the many joys of being female). I brought all three children with me because, well I'm a stay at home mom and that's what we do.  Of course, the children accompanied me into the bathroom while I collected my urine sample. I explained about infections and urine and how the doctor was going to look to see if I had any white blood cells (Osmosis Joneses we call them around here) in my urine because that would mean I had an infection and then the doctor would give me some medicine.

Later this afternoon Eowyn produced this piece of art, featuring me collecting my urine sample, surrounded by all the kids (although why Hazel is on all fours, I cannot say, except that she was very interested in the sample and cried when I pried it out of her sneaky little hands several times in a row). It was clearly a very happy occasion!

For Reference:
The Big Circle On The Back Of The Toilet Is the Lid To The Specimen Container

I am so impressed with my child, on so so many levels.

More Pro-Life Than Pro-Life

Abortion.

I bet you've got an opinion on it, and I bet it's passionate.

I bet, if you're pro-choice, you aren't actually all that fond of killing babies.

I bet, if you're pro-life, you don't actually hate women.

I bet, if you've ever been pregnant, wanted or not, you've realized that life in all its myriad forms is complicated and weighty, with heavy considerations of great consequence but also great joy.

I bet, if you're like me, you feel like you are best equipped to make the right decisions for you and your family.

These last three weeks I have been thinking and arguing and researching and crying and protesting and writing and ranting on this topic and, I won't lie to you, I don't like Republicans very much right now.  In the interest of full disclosure, I think you are kind of mean and hateful: to me, personally, as a woman and to poor people and to immigrants and on the topic of generosity in general.

But on the topic of abortion, I truly have been trying to understand why.  Why you think the way you think.  Why you are so viscerally opposed to it. Why you of my friends and family, who are very loving and kind Christian people in other arenas, are so brutally hardcore on this topic.

And I've realized several things:

1. You honestly believe abortion is murder.
2. You honestly believe that making abortion illegal will make it stop.
   
3. If I talk to you long enough, your problem is not just killing innocent unborn babies (and, really, who actually likes that?), it is that you don't approve of women having sex outside of marriage (and some of you inside of marriage) without consequences.

My very conservative preacher father has also informed me that conservatives in general don't care for the terms "women's rights" or "pro-choice".  He does like the term "moms' rights", though, and can get behind that.

So, I have been thinking hard about how to talk to you about what I feel in a way that is meaningful to you. About how I am both whole-heartedly pro-life and fundamentally pro-choice.

And how those two concepts can most certainly co-exist. This co-existence hinges on one point: What actually stops abortion.

So. You, my pro-life friend, want to stop abortion and you want to do it by making the procedure illegal.

Now, before we start, I want to make sure you know what the current law of the land actually is: Abortion is illegal after the point of fetal viability (around 21-26 weeks); that is, once a growing human can live without utter dependance the internal organs of another person, that human is accorded separate status. Again, in the interest of full disclosure, I personally feel this is a reasonable balance between the rights of the growing human and the rights of the pre-existent human being in whom that nascent human is developing. 

I know you believe abortion is murder at any point, but are you willing to acknowledge that pregnancy - which, biologically speaking, is a parasitic relationship with complex mechanisms that are necessary to prevent the mother's own immune system from categorically destroying the foreign object developing within its realm - is indeed a unique situation in which one human can only live by physical attachment to another person's internal organs, a situtaion that perhaps calls for unique consideration?  

Other relevant points to know about abortion in our country:

• Forty-two percent of women obtaining abortions have incomes below 100% of the federal poverty level ($10,830 for a single woman with no children, this is at or less than $902.50 per month and and about or less than $208 per week)
• Eighty-eight percent of abortions occur in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy (first trimester).  1.5% of abortions occur after 21 weeks (second trimester) and tend to involve endangerment of the life of the mother or life-threatening genetic/developmental issues with the baby.  Fifty-eight percent of abortion patients say they would have liked to have had their abortion earlier. Nearly 60% of women who experienced a delay in obtaining an abortion cite the time it took to make arrangements and raise money.
• About 61% of abortions are obtained by mothers who have one or more children.
• I know you won't like this one, but abortions performed in the first trimester pose virtually no long-term risk of such problems as infertility, ectopic pregnancy, spontaneous abortion (miscarriage) or birth defect, and little or no risk of preterm or low-birth-weight deliveries.  It is physically safer to have a first trimester abortion than to give birth.  There is also no link between having an abortion and negative mental health outcomes.

To me, the first two points are simply heartbreaking.

Now, while we are thinking about who actually has abortions and when and why and what happens after the abortion, I want to summarize some information for you from a study published in The Lancet by a researcher at the Guttmacher Institute, an organization that, among other abortion related data, researches incidences of abortion in the United States and world-wide. These researchers measure rates of abortion as the number of abortions per 1,000 women ages 15-44. This data is from 2008, which is the latest data available due to the time it takes to gather and analyze information of this scope. 

This study looked at rates of abortion as related to the degree of legal restriction of and access to abortion in each country.

The rate of abortion in regions with the MOST restrictive abortion laws:
Latin America - 32
East Africa - 38
Middle Africa - 36
West Africa - 28

...for an average of 33.5 abortions per 1,000 women ages 15-44

Now let's look at the rate of abortion in regions with the LEAST restrictive abortion laws:
Western Europe - 12
South Africa - 15

...for an average of 13.5 abortions per 1,000 women ages 15-44

The current rate of abortion in the United States is 20 abortions per 1,000 women ages 15-44.

33.5 ← 20 → 13.5

I ask you, my pro-life friends, which direction do you want us to go?

I want you to understand that I desire to do everything I can to live in a world where we actively prevent the tragedy that is abortion.
I want to live in a world where every precious child is wanted and every mother is willing, in conception, in bearing, in raising.

But my desire (and yours, too, I sincerely believe) is faced with strong evidence that making abortion illegal doesn't stop it.

Did you know that about 1 in 5 pregnancies in America, excluding miscarriages, end in abortion?  We can do better.

Do you want to know the single thing that decreases the number of abortions?

one word:
CONTRACEPTION

Access to.
Education about.

That's it.
Nothing else works: not making abortion illegal, not teaching abstinence, not stigmatizing sex.

My questions to you are:

Are you pro-life enough to embrace policy changes that actually decrease the number of abortions in this country?  Or will you keep fighting the wrong fight?

Do you want to be part of a political pro-life movement that pays you empty lip-service but whose strategies do little to affirm the preciousness of life?

Or do you want to be part of a practical pro-life movement that actively prevents the deaths of hundreds of thousands of unborn children?

Will you join my pro-life movement?

Days With Frog And Toad
by Arnold Lobel

Tomorrow

Toad woke up.

"Drat!" he said.  "This house is a mess. I have so much work to do."

Frog looked through the window.

"Toad, you are right," said Frog. "It is a mess."

Toad pulled the covers over his head.

"I will do it tomorrow," said Toad. "Today I will take life easy."

Frog came into the house.

"Toad," said Frog, "your pants and jacket are lying on the floor."

"Tomorrow," said Toad from under the covers.

"Your kitchen sink is filled with dirty dishes," said Frog.

"Tomorrow," said Toad.

"There is dust on your chairs."

"Tomorrow," said Toad.

"Your windows need scrubbing," said Frog. "Your plants need watering."

"Tomorrow!" cried Toad. "I will do it all tomorrow!"

Toad sat on the edge of his bed.

"Blah," said Toad. "I feel down in the dumps."

"Why?" asked Frog.

"I am thinking about tomorrow," said Toad. "I am thinking about all of the many things that I will have to do."

"Yes," said Frog, "tomorrow will be a very hard day for you."

"But Frog," said Toad, "if I pick up my pants and jacket right now, then I will not have to pick them up tomorrow, will I?"

"No," said Frog. "You will not have to."

Toad picked up his clothes. He put them in the closet.

"Frog," said Toad, "if I wash my dishes right now, then I will not have to wash them tomorrow, will I?"

"No," said Frog. "You will not have to."

Toad washed and dried his dishes. He put them in the cupboard.

"Frog," said Toad, "if I dust my chairs and scrub my windows and water my plants right now, then I will not have to do it tomorrow, will I?"

"No," said Frog. "You will not have to do any of it."

Toad dusted his chairs.

He scrubbed his windows.

He watered his plants.

"There," said Toad. "Now I feel better. I am not in the dumps anymore."

"Why?" asked Frog.

"Because I have done all that work," said Toad. "Now I can save tomorrow for something that I really want to do."

"What is that?" asked Frog.

"Tomorrow," said Toad, "I can just take life easy."

Toad went back to bed. He pulled the covers over his head and fell asleep.

And now that I have cleaned both bathrooms, washed all the floors, vacuumed, done the dishes and started the laundry, I too shall pull the covers over my head and fall asleep.

What The F*&# Oklahoma.

I am sick right now. Sick and light headed and disgusted and angry and a little bit scared, which makes all of it worse.

This just passed the Oklahoma Senate today by a WIDE margin (34 to 8; SB 1433):

AS INTRODUCED

An Act relating to unborn children; creating the Personhood Act; providing short title; stating legislative findings; specifying the interpretation of certain laws; defining certain terms; prohibiting certain interpretation; providing for codification; and providing an effective date.

BE IT ENACTED BY THE PEOPLE OF THE STATE OF OKLAHOMA:

SECTION 1.     NEW LAW     A new section of law to be codified in the Oklahoma Statutes as Section 1-750 of Title 63, unless there is created a duplication in numbering, reads as follows:

A.  This act shall be known and may be cited as the "Personhood Act".

B.  The Oklahoma Legislature finds that:

1.  The life of each human being begins at conception;

2.  Unborn children have protectable interests in life, health, and well-being; and

3.  The natural parents of unborn children have protectable interests in the life, health, and well-being of their unborn child.

C.  The laws of this state shall be interpreted and construed to acknowledge on behalf of the unborn child at every stage of development all the rights, privileges, and immunities available to other persons, citizens, and residents of this state.

D.  As used in this section, “unborn child” or “unborn children” shall include all unborn children or the offspring of human beings from the moment of conception until birth at every stage of biological development.

E.  Nothing in this section shall be interpreted as creating a cause of action against a woman for indirectly harming her unborn child by failing to properly care for herself or by failing to follow any particular program of prenatal care.

SECTION 2.  This act shall become effective November 1, 2012.

Oh, LUCKY ME, I can't currently be prosecuted for manslaughter if I fall down the stairs and lose my baby.

YET.

LUCKY ME, I can still go and legally purchase birth control without the permission of my husband.

FOR NOW.

LUCKY ME, I still count as a full person with full rights that supersede those of my uterus.

AT THE MOMENT.

I am looking at my daughters right now and trying not to cry. THIS is what the legislative body in this state thinks of them: not worthy or responsible enough to be given control over their own bodies, to make their own most intimate and personal decisions.  No, clearly a group of rich and/or upper middle class middle-aged men know better.  Silly me, why didn't I realize I'm just a feather headed woman at the mercy of her hormones?  I should have asked my husband or my father what to think about all this rather than trying to understand it on my own. 

I thought we'd moved past the days where a woman was chained to her home because she was subservient to her fertility.  And don't shake your head at me and tell me I'm over reacting and that of course birth control won't be illegal and if a pregnancy is going to kill me of course I should be able to terminate it and if I'm raped of course I don't have to keep that baby.  BECAUSE THIS LAW MEANS THE LAST TWO ARE NOW TRUE AND THE FIRST ONE IS NOT LONG ON ITS HEELS.

Is the state going to create a commission where women are required to register when they get their periods?  And probably create some programs that track each woman's average cycle length to determine if a late period was actually an abortion?  Because I can't think how else you would even get to close to the State having any idea of exactly the moment of conception and thus the beginning of personhood?  And how soon will you start prosecuting her when she has a spontaneous abortion a few weeks along - she has killed A PERSON, you see; somehow someone is culpable, right? And who is more culpable than the life support system?

Lucky us women, this law makes sure we can't (currently) be prosecuted for not taking our prenatal vitamins every day.  Lucky for me, I still have an out if I "fail to properly care for [my]self" and manage to harm my child.  The State should probably start recording birth weights, though, in case my severe vomiting during the first trimester and then inability to eat much of anything the rest of the pregnancy harmed the PERSON inside me.  In fact, isn't that child abuse?  Or child neglect at the very least?  If we care about the PERSONHOOD of this new PERSON, if this new PERSON has all the "rights, privileges and immunities available to other persons, citizens and residents of this state", don't we need to get DHS involved when I fail to provide this PERSON with adequate nutrition?  Of course, the issue of how we will remove this new PERSON from an abusive environment and place this new PERSON into foster care remains to be resolved as well.  Perhaps the state can simply commander the unfit mother's body and regulate the way she feeds this PERSON by state administered IVs?  And perhaps we can restrict the unfit mother's body from engaging in any activity that would harm this new PERSON by prosecuting and fining her if she misses a prenatal appointment or eats shellfish or caffeine?

There is a reason the religious right has turned me into a militant feminist. They can't just LET IT BE. They have to force their way into my body and into the most intimate decisions of my life and impose their moral values.  That is WRONG.  Maybe take a few embryology classes before you start calling a fertilized egg a person.  Maybe think about what it means to the status of women to reduce a woman to walking uterus.  Maybe think about what you are saying to couples going through fertility treatments because they desperately want a child.

Oh, wait, there will be lots of extra children now, so what am I worrying about?

What the hell is wrong with you people? Don't you have better things to do? You do know that abortion existed when Jesus was around. He knew about it and he never said ONE WORD in all of his ministry.  Why? Because there are ACTUAL problems in the world.  Problems that are only made worse by legislation like THIS.

New Year's Perspective
I have been frustrated about feeling tired ALL THE TIME. Sometimes, though, when you can't change how things are you can still change your perspective on how things are.

So I decided that instead of thinking, "What is wrong with me, why oh why am I always so silly TIRED?!?", instead I will simply reset my brain and interpret my weary mom-brain as evidence that I am, at this moment in life, without a doubt, truly living life to the fullest, cramming every tiny moment with SO MUCH FUN how can I help but feel weary in body but joyful in spirit?

See? IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD!!!

Dancing Queen
Friday morning my friend V called me and said, "Hey, you wanna go dancing tonight?"

And, sadly, I did not jump up and down and scream yes because I am a BORING GROWN UP who 1) had to reset her brain from Friday Night In to Friday Night OUT (no small feat) and 2) was concerned that a night of festivity and indulgence leads only to a day of exhaustivity and sore-gence.

BUT WHAT AM I THINKING!?! A GIRL FRIEND ASKED ME TO GO DANCING.

Stupid Eva. There is only one answer to this question. SAY YES.

I did say yes.

I ended up wearing my mom shoes instead of my killer high heeled boots (because I wanted to be able to walk the next day), but to compensate I squeezed myself into a pair of stretchy jeans from BC (Before Children) and - wonder of wonder! - they fit! That made the whole night worth it before it even started!

Now, where are four gussied up old married ladies with eight children between them to go to get their groove on?

Hmmm... Well, a female person here in Tulsa with no interest in fending off over-eager heterosexual ass-grabbers all night has no choice but to join in the gay-iety at Club Majestic.

And, gentle readers, I say to you, we got that party started RIGHT!  V L C & me, we are dancing MAGIC! We danced the entire night and closed that club DOWN.

As a fairly sheltered individual who hasn't ever actually been to a gay bar before, I got to see some very interesting sights:

1. A mostly naked man who started out shirtless in jeans and ended up in his tighty blackies, pulling them down to reveal his highly sculpted (but far too really there in front of me) butt and maybe his package, but I nervously looked away pretty much the entire time he was up on the little stage because I JUST DON'T WANT TO SEE THAT. Naked men make me nervous. Naked women? Fine. Men? No. Double standard? Maybe. Weird? Definitely. Legal? I DON'T KNOW. But the establishment let him do it and various individuals of both genders stuck money in his pants and underwear with hands and mouths and, well, probably just hands and mouths. I wanted to stick a card with the name and number of a good therapist in his... HAND because all I could think is that he must have some issues he could stand to work out if he spends his night pretending to be a stripper for free.
   
   
2. A real live hooker! Or at least I assume a stacked beautiful black girl would not hang out tiredly rubbing her rear against a nerdy little white man and looking that bored with the process if she wasn't there for the money.  I mentioned (screamed in her ear over the thump thump thump of the music) this to V and was further delighted to find out the nerdy little white guy smiling nervously was A BOSS AT L'S WORK!!! Ha ha ha ha ha!  BLACK! MAIL! people! FOREVER!!!! I love life's little twists, don't you? They make fiction so much more believable.
   
   
3. A drag queen with the most amazing ass I think I have ever seen. I didn't actually see it in the flesh (which, as previously mentioned, is FINE BY ME), but I did see it in all its sequined red hooded leotard covered wonder, which was EVEN BETTER!  She also had amazing sparkly lips and the requisite feisty drag queen attitude.

I also got to dance with an adorable kid (it was 18-and-over night) who totally got my groove and who didn't even try to grab my ass and totally made out with another boy at the end of the night.  I thought it was sweet (romance!) but I wanted to warn him (since we were Dancing Buddies and that goes deeper than words) that an older man was probably going to break his fresh young heart, but I didn't see him and advice like that never really means anything until after your heart is broken anyway.

I got home at 2 AM (that's in the morning, by the way), which is awesomely late. Of course, Hazel, who normally sleeps from 8 to 8, picked that particular night to wake up at 5 am and not really be in the mood for sleep, but WE MUST PAY FOR OUR PLEASURES PEOPLE, because otherwise we really wouldn't appreciate them.

I feel a little like a fairy tale princess on Christmas + Valentines Day + St. Patrick's Day + her Sixteenth Birthday because I got the best present ever:

Friends to go dancing with.

I have wanted this for years. YEARS and years. And YEARS.

And now we are four.

V L C & ME.

I you. SO MUCH.

Abrupt Change Of Gears
Today during church I was thinking about people talking about being tired of their church for various reasons: the sermons weren't speaking to them anymore, or the minister wasn't inspiring them or challenging them, etc.

These kind of statements automatically annoy me and I was trying to figure out why.

I came up with two reasons.

1. I feel it is very self-centered to sit in a room full of people and be personally aggrieved that the preacher hasn't specifically dialed in to your heart. Maybe God has something specific to say to the person three seats over and today it simply isn't about you. And maybe it won't specifically be about you for a month. Or a year. And maybe it won't be about you until you stop measuring everything by the yardstick of What-Do-I-Get-Out-Of-It. 
   
   I feel like my faith community is a family and I am there for the long term.  If one aspect of that faith community isn't really speaking to me (say the preaching or the music or a Sunday School class or whatever) then it is my job to proactively find a place in that community where I stand in the way of blessing and spiritual growth.  And usually the best place for that is in service.  Not sitting-in-the-pew-on-Sunday-morning service, but rolling up your sleeves and teaching or cleaning or driving or visiting or cooking or some other act of service.  Just sitting there and spiritually starving is your own fault for not reaching out for the bounty that is there but just takes a little effort to find. You can leave to another community of faith, but when you get there, you and your own issues will greet you at the door and after a while the exact same thing will happen because the problem was inside you, not the walls of your old church.  So unless something very specific and hurtful or hateful has happened to drive you away, I think you should stay with your church and Find A Way.
   
   Of course, I admit, I personally value loyalty perhaps even over good sense and I acknowledge my bias.
   
   
2. I think if your "needs aren't being met" then you need to work a little harder. Nothing worth doing is easy, including spiritual growth. So you need to dig deeper, truly contemplate the scriptures and ideas shared on Sunday morning or Wednesday evening or Friday night or Saturday afternoon.  Open up your heart and your mind.  Perhaps then you will be convicted, perhaps you will be encouraged, perhaps with a willing heart and a fierce focus you will be inspired.  God's word does not return void.  I believe God has the power to use ANYTHING for good - bad preaching, terrible music, bumbling study leaders, crying babies - to me, this is one of God's most miraculous ability.

I need to go to bed
I think that is quite enough manic fun and deep thinking for one weekend. I've used up all my profundity for now and neuro awaits me with piles and piles of work to do tomorrow as I live my life to fully of fullests, so I bid you adieu.